Divorce

Depending on where you live divorce may be more commonplace than intact marriages. In my office I see more children who have last names different from their mother than ever. Gone are the times where I can look at a child’s referral and call and ask for Mr. or Mrs. of the same last name.

It has been shown statistically that women are far more affected by divorce no matter the cause or who initiated the split. Women are affected financially, emotionally, physically and psychologically. Many women are never the same after their fairy tale marriage has been destroyed.

Financially women’s standard of living decreases measurably while men’s standard of living increases slightly. Based on this it is actually more lucrative for a man to get divorced. Women, on the other hand, are expected to continue being a mother if she has children and are also saddled with being the father as well. Although they may get to keep the home through divorce, it is usually more expensive than she can afford alone.

The emotional stress that goes along with getting divorced is devastating. Women often go through the stages of grief and loss during the divorce process. The stages include shock and disbelief, denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression, then acceptance and hope. These feelings can begin well before the divorce happens. Often it is obvious the marriage is over before divorce proceedings begin and the feelings of loss will coincide with the relationship’s disintegration.

Physically women go through all the changes that occur with a major stressor or trauma. Although it is specific to the individual what changes happen, there are always some form of physical change. The stress may cause hair to fall out, measurable weight gain or loss, skin irritations, and sweating. Underlying physical changes can be stomach and gastrointestinal upset, headaches, blurred vision, and heart palpitations. These can be long-lived or temporary. It depends on how the woman chooses to handle her stress.

Psychologically, some women may develop an anxiety or panic disorder, depression, or fatigue. In some cases post-traumatic stress disorder can occur and personality disorders can be exacerbated. It is suggested that some form of professional counseling is sought. It is the nature of a woman to try to be a super hero and overcome things on her own. A divorce is not the time to retreat inside. It is a time to seek friendship and healing.

Divorce effects entire families, not just women, but our society has preconceived notions about a divorced woman that they do not have towards men. Divorce affects women differently and those affects trickle down to the next generations. Divorce is difficult, painful, and dishearteningly common. If you are dealing with a divorce, you can find solace in knowing you are truly not alone.